The Why.

I suppose it makes the most sense to explain why I am doing this blog. I’ve always had a passion for words and I enjoy exploring different and unique ways to describe situations and events. My 9-5 involves creativity, and as an engineer there’s quite enough numbers and excel sheets to last me a lifetime. I’m hoping to use this blog to express myself through written word to be as vulnerable as possible and open myself up to the possibility of having real emotions.

Oh, you mean why am I going sober for a year? Was it some traumatic event? Did I get a DUI or kill someone? Nothing so dramatic as that. I suppose it makes sense to do a quick overview of how I got to this point. I didn’t start drinking until I was 17 and in college. (humble brag). From there it was your standard 21 plus years of functioning alcoholism. I worked hard and partied hard, dropped out of college at 21 and got a bartending job. I decided to move from my small town in Ohio to Pittsburgh, PA at 27.

“I would find myself going to school and during my 2 hour break, going to the bar and loading up before stumbling back to class“

I was in a real cross roads and tried to change my fortune by getting out of the rut and finding new opportunities. Old habits are hard to break, however, and I found myself doing the same thing. Sleeping until 11am, working until 2am, drinking until 5am. Over and over and over. I met my wife through work and have two wonderful (mostly) children. When we found out that we were having our first child I decided to go back to college and get a degree to provide as good of a life for my family as I could. Didn’t stop the drinking as I would find myself going to school and during my 2 hour break, going to the bar and loading up before heading back to class. Again, functioning alcoholism got me through college and I got a degree (thanks Covid shutdowns and online classes). I found a job a year after I graduated (again thanks Covid shutdowns and uncertain economic distress). I found out quickly enough that a 9-5 is a much different rhythm than the 4-2am bar life. Drinking late into the night went away slowly as the need to wake up early became a necessity.

“I knew I had a limited amount of drinks left in me“

I’ve always had a connection with the number 39. Even from a young age I was fascinated with the number 9. 3 times 3 is 9 and that’s a magic number (thanks School House Rock). As I’ve gotten older and the ability to recover from a night of binge drinking because increasingly difficult I knew I had a limited amount of drinks left in me. So a few months ago the idea of this year of sobriety hit me. I turned 39 two days ago and as I start my 40th year on this Earth I decided it was time to give myself a year break from alcohol. This is the biggest why, a random number I’ve had an infatuation with as a kid and a journey into the 40’s.

“I’ve only promised myself 365 days“

I’m not exactly sure what this blog will be or what it will turn into. I want to use this as a way to hone my writing and get out ideas/thoughts that I have over the next year of my sober journey. The goal is to post every day how I’m feeling and what it is I’m going through. At the end of the year I’ve made no commitment to moving forward with being sober, I’ve only promised myself 365 days.