Amateur Night Pt. 1

It’s the biggest drinking night of the year, they say. Thanksgiving eve, where the masses travel to visit with family they don’t see normally and eat food in portions they would never dare to during the year. For me, a jaded curmudgeon’d bartender it is considered another amateur night. A night for “normal people” to go out and celebrate being home and sharing in merriment with relatives or old high school friends they haven’t seen in years. Us “elites” know this night is where the general crowd who might not drink on a Wednesday all year go out and get sloppy. They are wreck-less amateurs begging to be seen and looking for a chance at past glory or to numb the idea of going to see relatives they decided years ago to move away from. Myself, I know it’s a night filled with cops, crowded bars, and DUI checkpoints.

“..life comes in and nudges you little by little compromising your fun…”

I don’t miss those nights. My time in crowded bars, elbow to elbow with strangers, and the smell of cheap beer and whiskey in the air, has come to an end. When I was in the moment, I thought these times would never end. Every night was the best night ever and the more people you were around the better. Then life comes in and nudges you little by little compromising your fun with slightly more expensive alcohol, a bit more of a hangover, and less patience to wait that 20 minutes for a beverage. Again, give me a quiet night at home to be a grumpy hermit over a crowded group of loud people.

“…you have to blow it all up…”

I’ve found as I’ve gotten older my need to have a wide range of friends has shrunk tremendously. I know this isn’t a new phenomenon that’s how people mature, they cast a wide net then realize they have precious little time to waste with annoying people or anyone who doesn’t fit into your life at the time. I’ve never let anyone get that close to me. Always keeping people at arms length and showing them the part of me they connect with the most but I can feel that shell cracking and my giving a fuck dropping slightly day by day. Perhaps this year is a chance to find out who I really am amongst the tangled web of personalities I put on for people everyday. I suppose that is why I’ve been grumpy, you have to blow it all up and eliminate everything to build it back up. Perhaps when you figure out what you want and who you are at your core you can have more meaningful connections with people in your life who accept you for you. For now, I’ll keep my own pity party going and focus on what’s going on with me.