Day 55: Inspiration

The holidays have come and gone. It’s been hell getting back into the swing of things at work but I’ve managed to navigate the cheery fake hellos and “how was your new years”. Yeah okay I feel like a grump sometimes, it is probably just the seasonal depression. One good thing this week brought was inspiration to write a novel. I have the foundation of an idea that has been percolating. A co-worker has been a tremendous help to fan the flames of creativity and fine tune my ideas. I’m very excited to begin this journey of writing a novel, something I’ve always wanted to do and part of the reason I started this blog. I have no idea where it will lead if anywhere but the journey is always better than the destination right?

I spent the majority of my morning in the stereotypical hell that is the DMV. I always thought the DMV got a bad wrap, but perhaps it was because I was a bartender and I went during the off hours. This could have been my first Saturday morning visit to renew my long past expired license, and to say it was mind numbing would be an understatement. 45 minutes standing in line to get a ticket then sit and wait for the number to be called for another 2 hours. I brought a book to read but my anxiety of missing my number and the crowd of people prevented me from opening it. So I did what any other 39 year old male would do and I shut my brain off and stared at nothing for the duration. I believe the young kids are calling it “raw dogging” where a person doesn’t ingest any media or content and just stares. I’m perfectly comfortable not talking to anyone and eaves dropping on all of the side chats happening around me. You learn a lot by just listening to people, and let us all be honest, it’s fun to silently judge them. So now I’m no longer driving illegally and I have a brand new shiny license to flaunt, lucky me.

The holiday’s went without a hitch. We traveled to NC to visit my dad and his gf/fiancé/lady person (I really don’t know what they are I should ask more questions when I visit family). I debated having some champagne at the ball drop, because that’s not really drinking, but the perfectionist in me wouldn’t allow it. “Technically” ran through my brain all New Year’s Eve and I skipped the champagne. Not drinking hasn’t been a big deal but I have been having massive cravings for cold beer that have been manifesting in my dreams. I’ll have a 32oz mug of beer and just guzzle it then panic because I’m supposed to be off booze for a year. I wake up and realize it was a dream, so yeah the stress dreams are taking on a new shape. I really can’t wait for my birthday.

My week of grace is gone and the workouts begin Monday. Time to turn this body from a doughy lump of sugar and carbs into a lean protein filled rage machine. I’m hopeful that the exercise will keep my levels of stress down as I plunge deeper into the shitty months of seasonal depression.